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5 Things We Screwed Up with Our Monogamy Rules

Spoiler: Writing good non monogamy rules is really hard.

Liz Sinclair
7 min readDec 1, 2022
Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

In a post from a few months ago [read it here], I told you that writing our non monogamy rules before my husband and I officially opened up our relationship was the most fun, most energizing conversation topic that we’d had in a long time.

We thought we’d nailed our non monogamy rules. We gave ourselves high-fives and figured we were good to go. So off we went onto this wild adventure of opening up. And we had fun. And then….

Guess what?

“It took us about three months to break every single one of our non monogamy rules. They were useless.”

It’s so easy to have rules that aren’t easy to understand, agree to and enforce.

It’s actually quite amazing how quickly things went sideways. Our intentions were good. We really wanted to have good non monogamy rules. We thought we were mature enough, stable enough, intelligent enough, prepared enough, “enough enough” to navigate all the emotions of an open relationship safely. But, clearly, we weren’t.

In a few months we went from being excited and energized to dealing with raging jealousy, unsafe sex, falling head first into new relationship energy, fighting all the time, a whopping…

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Liz Sinclair
Liz Sinclair

Written by Liz Sinclair

Ordinary, middle-aged, university-educated, working mother of three in a long-term loving marriage. Oh, and also non-monogamous. Ohhhh, and now also divorced.

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