Breaking the Taboo: Exploring the Silence Around Non-Monogamy

Liz Sinclair
4 min readMay 16
Photo by Malik Skydsgaard on Unsplash

Seriously, have you ever noticed how little non-monogamy is discussed in real-life conversations? While there’s an abundance of articles, blog posts, and podcasts exploring the topic, it remains an unspoken taboo in everyday interactions. I don’t know about you, but even with my closest friends, broaching the subject of non-monogamy feels like treading on thin ice. It’s as if there’s an unspoken agreement to keep it hush-hush, as if acknowledging it would be an invitation to Awkward Town.

It’s time to delve into this taboo, don’t you think, and explore why non-monogamy is a topic that so many people prefer to keep hush-hush.

When it comes to relationships, throughout history monogamy has been upheld as the gold standard in most cultures. From childhood fairy tales to societal expectations, we’ve been conditioned to believe in finding our one true love and living “happily ever after” in a monogamous relationship.

But for those of us who find fulfillment in non-monogamous relationships, why do we often feel a need to hide this part of our lives from the people in our lives? Well, challenging societal norms can make individuals uncomfortable for a whole bunch of reasons. And with discomfort comes a desire to keep things under wrap.

In my experience, most people are not intentionally trying to ostracize or hush those who practice non-monogamy. I think they genuinely struggle with facing their own insecurities and discomfort with the topic.

I have been following the teachings of meditation teacher Jonathan Lehmann (I highly recommend him), and his mantra, “Negativity is a form of suffering, and I respond to it with compassion”, has been on my mind a lot.

While it’s a challenging mantra to embody, I’ve started trying to respond to the negativity of others with curiosity — I haven’t quite mastered compassion yet — seeking to understand their perspective and empathize with their struggles.

So here’s my list of reasons some people may be hesitant to discuss non-monogamy and how I/we might all take some steps towards responding to their suffering (their negativity) with compassion. Yes, I know, this is a HARD mantra to uphold! Even Johnathan Lehmann admits that this one has been…

Liz Sinclair

Ordinary, middle-aged, university educated, working mother of three in a long-term loving marriage. Oh, and also non monogamous.