Falling in Love in Non-Monogamy: What Could I Have Done to Handle it Better?

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

My husband recently found himself deeply in love with one of his new partners, sparking a very tumultuous [read: shitty] chapter in our non-monogamous journey. As we navigate the fallout, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how falling in love can reveal the pitfalls of rigid boundaries, the exhaustion of emotional upkeep, and the refusal to embrace change. I am going to attempt to unravel the complexities of love and commitment in non-monogamy here, but warning, it’s not that simple!

My husband recently fell in love, like deep love, with one of his partners. It wasn’t the first time we’d dealt with love in our non-monogamous relationships. However, this time, falling in love had a pretty bad impact on our marriage.

It’s been a rough ride since. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on what happened and also trying to identify what we might have tried to do better in our non-monogamous exploration to prevent this from happening. And by “this”, I don’t necessarily mean falling in love, I mean “falling in love and destroying your previous relationship”.

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. Rules, Boundaries and Commitments: Early in our non-monogamous exploration, we tried to establish some rules around falling in love with our other partners. Yes, yes…