Navigating HSV-2 (or other STIs) in Non-Monogamous Relationships

If one partner is more comfortable with risk than another, what do you do?

Liz Sinclair
5 min readApr 30, 2023
Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

I thought my husband and I had reached the cruising along stage of non monogamy, but it turns out that we have another bump in the road.

My husband met someone that he really likes. She’s cool, she’s smart, she’s sexy and he is smitten. When he gets home after his dates I can tell he is buzzing with new relationship energy. I feel happy for him (well, mostly, and a little bit jealous, but that’s for another blog post!).

Things have been humming along for them but he recently came home with a bit of a whopper of news. She disclosed to him that she has genital herpes. He had been wondering why she had been so adamant about “over the undies” type play up until then. She told him that she’d been positive for years and had learned that it was best not to hit someone with this disclosure right off the bat, but definitely necessary to disclose before any risky sexual activities. I give her full kudos for being responsible and honest.

She shared that she’d been positive for years but had very infrequent outbreaks. Her previous partners had known about her HSV status, used condoms, and not contracted HSV from her.

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Liz Sinclair

Ordinary, middle-aged, university educated, working mother of three in a long-term loving marriage. Oh, and also non monogamous.