Oh Gosh…When Push Comes to Shove, Am I Really Non-Monogamous?
I recently went out with a friend that I used to date but has now become my non-monogamous BFF. Like me, he was married and monogamous for years before starting to explore non-monogamy. He and his wife have been dating other people for about 5 years now, and they love the freedom they each get to explore sexual relationships with other people.
Anywayyyyy. The reason I bring up this friend is because we had an interesting conversation about whether we are truly non-monogamous or not. I mean, yes, we are both non-monogamous in that we have sex with multiple partners. But we are both struggling with whether non-monogamy is our identity, our true sexual manifestation or whether it is simply a sexual dynamic that we are (only?) comfortable exploring from the safety of a traditional stable, long-term relationship.
Whoa, eh?
For him, the question isn’t that hard to answer. He bluntly told me that the only reason he is non-monogamous is because he has a wife. He does not think he would be non-monogamous if he were to start over. He feels like non-monogamy is a relationship dynamic that he and his wife have agreed to, but that it is not something intrinsic to him.
I used to think I was totally different than him. I have written so many times over the years about how I have…
