Why My Soon-to-Be Ex Embraced Non-Monogamy — And I Walked Away

Photo by Isabela Kronemberger on Unsplash

I’ve been accused many times by readers of my posts that I pushed my husband into opening up our marriage. Despite my assurances that we both entered into that decision with eyes wide open and lots of mutual agreement, I am constantly reminded that I was the one who went too fast and that I dragged my husband along unfairly.

Well, maybe.

But in the aftermath of the end of my marriage, I’ve been surprised at how each of us has navigated non-monogamy post-breakup. To sum it up:

• Him: He’s committed to remaining non-monogamous. He feels it is the relationship dynamic he is most comfortable with and desires to keep.
• Me: Not so much. I’m drawn to some aspects of non-monogamy, but I now feel too scared, too vulnerable, and quite simply too tired to have a non-monogamous partner(s) again, or at least yet.

So what does this tell us?

For one, it tells me that while he may not have enjoyed the early days of non-monogamy, he suuuuuure is enjoying it now. He’s with someone he has a strong sexual and emotional connection with, and their relationship aligns perfectly with the kind of sex he likes. Her part in contributing to his enthusiasm for staying non-monogamous is pretty clear too — she’s poly at heart and has made it…